No you can not haz my stuff!!

That’s right, It’s been said..

I decided over the weekend to take a look into other games since there seems to be a numerous amount of bugs still lingering around in SW:ToR. So first game I decided to go back too was Guild Wars 2, where I seem to look at the icon on my desktop but forget to actually let the game update from time to time.

So this is a little video clip I did while playing that game for about an hour or so. Still love the graphics in it and all, but overall not really the highest game in my priority list. The next game I decided to try was LOTR (Lord of the Rings) and well it’s another slower grind to level up as well. Here is another clip of me playing.


Next up I decided to try Neverwinter I had heard a lot of talk about this game and decided well I wanted to give it a try because I remember hearing how it sucked and everything, but over all I enjoyed it a lot. Then again I do love fantasy stuff a lot. So here is a small clip of that gameplay as well.

I don’t use YouTube to upload videos as often because well YouTube is good, but honestly they are not really my favorite place to go often. I got into this other gaming website called “” the reason for them is because they are truly a video gamers paradise with all sorts of videos and etc. I found them through the Raptr, AMD gaming evolved application I get when updated a lot, and when I install a new AMD Driver for my CPU/Graphics. So I haven’t quit SW:ToR it’s just well I decided to take a break and go play something else for a change. I still love my SW:ToR and through it all this past year I have not once let my subscription lapse at all. I just decided well it was time for a change. But there is another reason I decided to take a step back at the moment. It’s not because of the bugs, or anything. It’s about things I’ve seen in gen chat that I didn’t think to screen cap, and a recent forum topic that got deleted and yet another player made a statement that well just doesn’t sit right with me.


No jokes about Mental Health Issues

Today (11-25-2015) I saw a forum topic that just screamed rage and so I went to go read it because a lot of the words in it were like this ******* meaning the offensive language filter was in place. So when I read the first part of it, it was because someone was upset about the down time they were giving today. Plus I just think it was someone looking to blow off steam about the disappointments lately in the game. I can’t say I blame them in all reality because it’s like that. But one person made a quote that well just does not sit right with me. He said that the person that made the topic was most likely had mental health issues like the ones that go inside a school , or whatever and shoot it up. Now to me that struck a nerve and a big one because I have mental health issues. I have a lot of them and I live with them on a daily basis. I do not really talk about what I go through on a day to day basis because well not many would understand it, and in the gaming community, it’d be laughed about or jokes would be made about “s0-so has issues” let’s pick on them. Not to mention a lot of triggers for people with mental health issues happen around the holidays when families gather in large groups and etc. But since this person decided to bash Mental Health on that one topic I have decided to give a little look into my daily life with mental health issues I deal with on a day to day basis, and why having Raven my furbaby is a perfect help to me.

A small look into what it’s like living with issues.

Morning: Wake up, do what I have to in the bathroom, grab a cup of coffee, light a cigarette, open up a browser and start looking around. [ Now to some that would seem normal in the sense that it is perfectly normal but here is what is going on behind the scenes in my mind] -Trying to make it through another day without a little bit of crying, feeling the pain so deep inside that it’s unbearable at times. Taking deep breaths  to keep myself calm and think rationally. Pushing back all negative thoughts that surround holiday season for me. Trying to keep bad experiences from surfacing on a day to day basis. Reaching over and petting Raven who sleeps in a chair next to me while I’m at the computer. Feeling the calming effect that petting her gives me inside to make it easier  to deal with the morning so far.

Lunch Time: Wondering what it is I want to eat, or even if I want to eat. Thinking about how to make it through this part of the day as  well while playing a video game, or watching even a little bit of tv. Nothing works so go crawl in bed, cover up and go back to sleep so that I don’t have to be awake and feel the pain inside while being alone. Raven curls up next to me, and lets me pet her as I fall asleep. All the while negative thoughts plague my mind and enter my dream state, which lucky enough for me I don’t remember my dreams anymore.

Dinner Time: Hubby is home, and all I can think is “Please make him shut up, or Please make him go away as I don’t wanna listen to his dribble about his drunk friends.”, What do I want to eat, am I even hungry, and why do I feel like shit inside when I should be at my happiest.

Evening right before bed: Watch a little tv or at least try too and instead get side tracked and think about shit that has happened in the past, or thinking about what is going to happen in the next 4 minutes, then that sudden urge of sadness creeps in and destroys the entire night. Try to go to sleep only to be up half the night with a mind that just will not let me rest.

Middle of the Night: Flipping through the TV stations trying to find something boring on to put me to sleep, or getting up and going on the computer to read forums, facebook posts, twitter feeds, etc. Anything to make my mind shut up and let me go to sleep for a few hours.

Next morning: Repeat the same events all over only on a different day. So before you decide to make comments about mental health issues, just remember this small glimpse into what some of my illness is like. I won’t describe in great detail of what else I go through, just what the downside of having a mind that plagues me on a daily basis is.

Also no where in this post did I once mention bout hurting others, so before you clump all the mental illnesses into massacres of school shootings, attacks on another human being those are not mental illnesses, those are just people that want to be total annihilators of humanity. While some yes do have mental health issues, not all are mentally unstable, you will never know who is unstable and stable in terms of mental illness because let’s face it. You can be perfectly fine and just decide to blow something up. So educate yourself before you look like an asshole on a public forum where many people can read what you write.

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