Frazzled Thoughts Friday

 

return-003

Ok so I haven’t been posting for the last few days, or even dreaming up some random type blog thingie majig. But that is because recently I’ve been contemplating two blog posts I’ve currently read recently, and gathering my thoughts about how I wanted to work this post. So yeah it’s taken a few days to do the rough draft. Now the first post I want to discuss is about this Why do we “Troll”

This post really hit me hard, because I am one of those ones that have been trolled a lot not just online, but offline too. Now see to understand this better I’m going to describe a past RL experience I grew up with a lot. Why some girls as they grow up go through all the changes to become women, their voices get more femine, their body takes the shapes of apples, hour glasses, whatever. Not me, see I wasn’t changing like normal girls around me. I don’t have sexy voice, unless you ask my husband, but No, I didn’t get the femine voice over that you hear, matter of fact my voice hasn’t changed since from when I was a kid. Odd I know,  now onto my looks. I am the female version to my Father. I look identical to him minus the beard, and other parts of male body. So all throughout my life I’ve been painfully mistaken over and over again as a guy, and I assure most I’m not. I can’t stand make-up, or anything remotely girly-girl. I wear dark colors because that is my decision too. I don’t ever and I mean EVER wear dresses, once I got to the age to dress myself it’s been Jeans, Tshirts, and sneakers, now it’s Combat boots, or just other type of boots. Before even dying my hair, it was Auburn with Red and Blonde highlights, but 8 years ago I started dying it black, and now to give you a visual of how long my hair is. I can sit on it. It is all one length. No bangs, no nothing. It’s taken me 3 years to get it this long, and yet I’m still mistaken as a guy, all because of my build. I don’t have hips, or even an rear. I am literally built like a guy, so yeah I got bullied a lot because of that. Boys didn’t want me in their games, and girls just sneered comments at me, and flipped their noses at me. Now onto online bullying, trolling, etc. It’s been even worse for me. I come from chats like MSN, IRC, and Excite.com before they sold out and closed down. I was tormented and lied to there, I thought I had friends only to find out the truth one day. I sat in an observation type room, and watched them talk about me behind my back. I then realized that even online people are cruel. But being cruel online has a lot more damage then doing it offline. Online they can create personas, and hide behind them, or claim the infamous “I was hacked”, and ” I did not say such a thing”, it’s because of this you see kids doing drastic things now. I read a while back, that a girl took her life because of things her “Supposed to be friends ” from school where posting things she told them in confidence online for others to read. Even movies have been made about this topic and the effects of what they now called “Cyber Bullying” can and will lead too if it’s not curved fast. The same goes for Trolling. It too can have very damaging effects to the person that got trolled. Now onto my other experience of Online trolling. I was friends with this older gentleman in chat, and we chatted every day and so forth,  then one day he stopped logging into chat. I thought okay his internet is being picky again, and thought nothing of it. Then a “supposed to be RL friend comes into the room we all sat in” and drops the bombshell that he was killed in a car accident. We asked what happened and supposedly his van fell off the jack and crushed him killing him instantly. I took it the hardest because we had gotten close as to almost dating online, and etc. Then this happened, and I was crushed. Then one day I’m bouncing around rooms via “Room finder” and come across his friend, and drop an IM saying hello and was instantly placed on ignore. I was like okay, what is up with this, so I being the sneak I am sometimes went made an alternative name, and went into the room he was in, and he was instantly hitting on me, and then the bombshell came. That he was alive, and did come into the room I was and told us all that “so-so was killed when his van fell off jack” , I was instantly stunned, and then realized that online friendships are dangerous, and started becoming guarded of myself even more, refusing to give anymore information about then I just had too. I dropped the bombshell on him that it was me on an alt name, and thanked him for making me feel bad for a loss of life. I placed him on ignore, logged out , and never went back to that chat again. So yeah as you can see Trolling happens in all sorts of things. From video games, to even just a regular chat base world. So next time you or someone you see is getting trolled, step up and help stop that kind of behavior, because in the long run, it effects a lot of people, not just the one being trolled.

 

Now onto my next topic here. I recently read a blog post from a Podcast blog. Coffee With Kenobi recently blogged about this Star Wars Introverts Unite… Alone!

f86c4a20-f151-4aa3-9ced-8f5185761a6bIt reminded of the quiz I took a while back on Playbuzz.

What is your SW personality Type quizz.

After the end of that quiz, which was fun. I got this as their description along with the image above.

“The Mastermind: INTJ (Palpatine)
Defining Attributes: Objective, Thorough, Independent, Adaptable

As an INTJ, your mind is a wonder to behold, and is centered around your well-developed powers of concentration. You are a natural leader who strives for perfection in everything. Talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality, you expect this same perfection in others. “Masterminds” are characterized by their desire to produce mastery and achieve ranks that reflect their own brilliance.”

 

Now mind you, it is a fun test, and I don’t take it to personally. But yeah I do tend to be called “Mastermind” a lot because of how I can overcome some things in life. I tend to personally prefer alone time, not big on family or social gatherings, and I do tend to keep my emotions hidden from outsiders. Even my husband has agreed to this because well he knows me, or so he thinks he does. I have even been called a Chameleon or a Snake, because when someone thinks they have figured me out, I change yet again. I am called “Shadow” for a reason. Now if you look up the word Shadow, you get this definition which is the full version.

 

Shadow

Full Definition of SHADOW

1:  partial darkness or obscurity within a part of space from which rays from a source of light are cut off by an interposed opaque body
2:  a reflected image
3:  shelter from danger or observation
4a :  an imperfect and faint representation

 b :  an imitation of something :  copy
5:  the dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light
6:  phantom
7plural :  dark 1a
8:  a shaded or darker portion of a picture
9:  an attenuated form or a vestigial remnant
10a :  an inseparable companion or follower

 b :  one (as a spy or detective) that shadows
11:  a small degree or portion :  trace
12:  a source of gloom or unhappiness
13a :  an area near an object :  vicinity

 b :  pervasive and dominant influence
14:  a state of ignominy or obscurity
So for the last few days I’ve been contemplating on this blog and looking up other information, and I’ve ran across this website, and I agree with a lot of it. Even among my search I found this old Forum topic on SWTOR Forums
So it seems to me that they believe we’re trolls because we don’t speak in general, and etc. Um sorry but for me, I watch things closely, I like to feel out my surroundings and so forth before responding to anything. It is just how I am in all honesty. I did that when I use to RP too , I’d ask for an observer tag, watch, learn, and develop my characters that way. It’s now a bad thing, it’s just some prefer to be this way in just about everything in their life. I have a method to my madness, but no one understands it, hell to be honest I don’t quite understand it at times and it’s my mind that does it.
So there you have it. My topics in one post. Enjoy reading, and pingback if you decide to use this post in a future topic of your own. Thanks again for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!
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