Why a Hiatus?

Ok before I stop for a while. I wanted to let everyone that follows my blog and what not, an understanding onto why I’m taking this hiatus. It’s not because I don’t love playing SW:ToR anymore. I do, but I’ve pretty much done all I can do as a solo player out there. I’ve maxed all 8 classes, and while yes I started some new ones and what not to try and take different turns on my events I’ve done on the mains. I just can’t get into it anymore. Plus the harassment has left me with a sour taste all the way around on playing anymore in general. I got a follow up response to my ticket on the harassment by another player, and they suggested what I did, place that person on ignore. I mean really? They do not care that they have players that are willing to sexually harass another player in a form of RP that one does not wish to partake in. It just truly astounds me to the point that now I have to rethink about having female characters because of this one asshat. While some may say “You need to grow a thicker skin”, and while others who knows what they will say. I just can’t shake that part of me now. I live by a certain code for my online life. I reveal just enough information about myself to give an idea of who I am as a person outside of the gaming world and what not, I do not give out my RL name, address, etc. Close friends I have from inside second life know some of my RL info, but not enough and I’ve known them for a good while before I gave that info out to them. Not even my facebook is 100% accurate on RL Info. I live in the shadows, I’ve lived like this for so long it’s my chosen way of life now. I’ve been stalked in RL and trust me it’s not fun. I’ve been stalked online and it’s not fun either. I’ve been harassed in both and again it’s not even remotely funny. So for now I think this hiatus is a good thing for me. I’ve lost my desire to play in a game that I loved so much. So to get the response I did from CS , that only works for so long, as we all know F2P can have two characters, I believe preferred can have up to 6, and then subs can have up to 22, but start with I believe is 12. So what is to say that further down the road that one that harassed me gets on enough ignore lists that well he decides to just delete that name and start the ball rolling again and again. When does it stop? When does someone finally take notice that this is that persons chosen behavior in a world where being anonymous is common as breathing? Being stalked and harassed are usually my main reasons for leaving a chat world, but this is  the first time it’s taken place in a video game. I guess true logic disappears for some as they tend to forget that real people with real feelings, and what not operate these characters. So when they start to harass, and belittle that person , they don’t realize the effect they have on them,specially since a lot do not reveal that they have mental health issues. I admit I have a few (ok a lie, I have a lot of issues), but I manage through them, and I know what they are, and what my limits are. Even my husband has come to respect the fact that he does not truly know me and understand all my issues. He also knows that when I start to rant and vent. To just let me because I need too, I have a huge tendency to let it stay inside of me. I hate talking about what I’m going through at that moment because my words are twisted inside my mind, instead I would rather wait, then talk about it. I’ve had my words in the past twisted so much that they were used against me, so now I prefer to think things through, but what the CS told me. I’m sorry I just can’t let it go. Ican’t just believe that ignore will work. Not in a world where it’s easy to make up a new name and breath life into it online. It just does NOT work and I wish they could understand that some people are prone to be subjected to this kind of behavior. We all at some point in our lives have seen or dealt with bullying, harassment, what not. How some deal with it is different from how another person will deal with it. In real life I use to watch my back 24/7 for a good 5 years, I shouldn’t have to do that online though. I should be able to play a game I love the way I love to play, and try to make friends. But that kind of torment and that is exactly what it is, a way to torment someone so much that they have to alter what they do. I’ve decided a hiatus in SW:ToR is good for me at the moment. Even as I sit here typing this out, I’m crying because now it’s gotten me to the point I have to watch what I do in a video game now because of one asshat , but in reality that is all it takes is one asshole to mess up someone’s experience. Anyways I hope everyone understands this post, and knows that I will come back soon. Just right now I need to rethink things for my own sanity, and better protect myself even online now. Take care and have fun playing. Maybe one day I’ll get the Heroic 4 Missions and Ops for Oricon outta Radqa’s Mission log on Ebon Hawk. Just right now I need me time and it does not involve SW:ToR , I may toss between second life and Guild Wars 2 for the time being.

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