So I’ve been thinking

And researching….

I recently found a thread on the forums that well I give two thumbs up for because it’s a different version. One I haven’t really seen in the community as of late, or if ever actually. I found a topic that is opposite of Weird people group finder thread, well now there is one called Great and awesome people you meet in Group Finder, and I’ve actually posted a few comments there myself. Mostly to applaud them for wanting to help the new player learn end game content, which is great because after you do the Chapters , there really is nothing left to do besides grind for the alliance, or make a new alt and start over again which after a while gets well boring and tiresome. I left the guild I was in last year because I wanted to spend less time in SW:ToR and I did for a while. I was having issues and etc from a certain form of player that well now I have thicker skin ,and just really don’t care what anyone says. But I still will not let anyone harass me either. I am a female, and I’ve become damn proud of playing my female characters again. Which was the whole reason for me playing more male characters than females. But back to the main reason this post has it’s title at the moment.

Little research into End game content.

That’s right I’ve been doing research into end game content finally. You know the operations, and etc.  Now my research began here at Vulkk’s website. Yes I do try to support a lot in the game community that are trying to do good, and help new players, even old players that are new to end game content. Another site that I use quite a lot too is Dulfy’s SWTOR area. I’ve even used the Guild Wars 2 section as well as I use to play that game, which reminds me it probably needs updated again. Then I also use Tor-Fashion and Tor-Decorating as well for well you know Fashion for my characters and Decorating a strong hold, and etc. Awevae has also reached over 400 in her Artifice crafting so she is going good there. I need to work on the others now that the grind for XP is back to where it’s manageable. I recently also hit lvl 55 with Awevae as I was crafting to build it up. With her I really don’t know if I will be doing SoR or not yet, or even Makeb as well too. She did Illum and broke the false Emperor. While others are prepping for the next chapter to be released next month, I’ll let them figure everything out on what to say and etc about the new chapter coming out. I just want to focus on the here and now. It’s what I’m good at because I know we are not guaranteed a tomorrow and that tomorrow becomes today. So yeah I tend to live for the here and now. I’ve also taken the time to sit back and think as I write this post on how I want to word it too, because well I have an over active mind that changes subjects quicker then you can change your socks. Plus I have Raven in my lap a lot of times too as she’s always at my side. Unless significant other is home, then she’s with him. But 99% of the time it’s Mommy’s lap she’s in , or trying to get in.  But yeah I’ve been thinking of trying to find a guild that is alt friendly on both Republic and Empire side, and trying to get up into doing end game content, because I know I’m missing out on a shit ton of fun. Even if I have to install a VOIP or whatever. I just hope they understand that I can listen, but not talk cause well I don’t have a microphone anymore. I dumped them all when I gave up being a gaming DJ years ago. I do have a headset with one, but doubtful it still works anymore.

In the end of this post though, I am posting this picture, because given the outfit she has on, while on Illum yesterday, she said this, (Awevae) as they were planning the next attack.


Awevae: Do you know the temperature out there? I’ve got frostbite on my….somewhere you really don’t want to get frostbite.

It’s close

And I can’t wait for it……..

hk-55What I am talking about here is HK-55 and the release of Chapter X in the Fallen Empire. I haven’t even really been playing SW:ToR at the moment. I think this month I’ve played a handful of times. I just lost the love for the game at the moment. While I am leveling out some new alts and redoing story content that I’ve done already. I just haven’t felt the love of playing like I was. Instead I’ve been playing Guild Wars 2, The Lord of the Rings online, Neverwinter, and of course I’ve been going into second life again. Plus I’ve started writing again. Well at least in my head. I haven’t put it to paper yet, or even a blog yet. I do a lot of thinking about various things, so I get what they call writers block. Plus this time I’ve opted to use a pen name as I don’t want my Real life name used for it. But I’ve been sitting here patiently waiting for Chapter X to come, and for HK-55. Also during that time I will be subscribed the entire time so I will have the option to play as HK in August when his own personal story comes to life. I’ve been ignoring the forums , and most things pertaining to SW:ToR because right now it’s all the same bitching I keep hearing. This needs work, That needs work, it’s all mundane in my eyes. I’ve even had to shut off gen chat last night for the first time in a long time. Politics have seem to have exploded here in the USA as of late, so most of my gen chat was filled with “Who’s voting for Trump?”, and etc. I’m registered to vote, but rarely do. My opinion are that all politicians are the same. Lying.cheating slime-bags that do not deserve the pays they get. So I just opted to close out Gen chat for that conversation.


All grind out

That’s the real reason I haven’t felt like playing as of late. You get to chapter IX in Fallen Empire, and it becomes a grind festival for alliance. While yes it can be fun if you’re in a group, but when you’re solo it’s boring as hell, and I don’t really know how to group up. I don’t know my class that well to play in a group setting. So I’m stuck sitting on the sidelines watching. While the Heroics are easy, everyone does their thing as a unit, and etc. But still, I’m just to damn shy to even group up. I didn’t even do much of Gree or the Rakghoul Events this month. I did it on Radqa, to get Lokin, and then quit playing. Course being sick all I’ve wanted to do was get better. The stopped, then last night I decided to go play one of my new alts and got her past chapter 1 in the main story arc before calling it quits and going to bed for the night. But yeah I’m all grind out at the moment for the alliance. Raynasia is just about to start Chapter I for the Fallen Empire. I plan to flirt with Theron on that name. Eh, happy gaming though. I’m gone again!! Catch ya on the flipside of the Dark Side.

The Slow Wait

Is Killing me!!!

So I’ve been playing a lot of various games lately. I keep forgetting that once you install games on an external hard drive that no matter how many times you have to refresh your PC, said games are already installed so no need to reinstall them. So yesterday I played a little SW:ToR in the morning, went into second life, and then updated GW2 while I watched a little TV. I’m doing all this now because I’m patiently waiting for Chapter X to be released next month. So if this is what it will be like to wait for these damn chapters Monthly. I’m gonna go more insane than I already am. As for the friend I had in the game, well that lasted not to long. I have went back to doing what I do best, and that is play on my own.  Course I found out about the games being installed on Sunday night because the log in service for SW:ToR was down for a good few hours by my guess and what I read on the forums. Not that I’m missing much as I don’t really go near the forums again, and I don’t really check my twitter. Course I’ve also been playing some games on my facebook accounts. I have multiple accounts because I love to live a quiet life. I have very few friends anywhere anymore and I don’t know why. My RL account on Facebook has my parents, and I try to keep them away from my gaming life because even though I’m cleverly disguised as an adult. They don’t understand why I’m in my late 30s and love to play video games on the computer instead of my old generation consoles. Bless my parents for having me while they were young, I’m a lucky one even though a lot of bad shit happened as a child with them and etc. I’m lucky to  this day to say I have my parents both alive and kicking. My father just turned 61 on the 8th of this month, and my mother is 58, 20 years older than me. So when she hits 59 in Nov, a month later I will hit 39. Even though they are divorced from each other, they did have a common ground and still do. Just now neither has to deal with the other. But yet I’m still often conflicted between them even as an adult. But enough of that shit. Back to gaming. I really wanna take Raynasia through Knights of the Fallen Empire, but don’t want to reach chapter 9 just yet and be stuck at that grinding for alliances. Even though with her, I plan on romancing Theron Shan for a change. I never romanced nor tried too in SoR. So this will be a fun twist for this inquisitor.


Radqa has been in KotFE

I have him currently going through it and stop with him from time to time because well I’m trying to drag it out, and as fast as these chapters are. Well I want to experience the whole thing over and over again. Call me crazy if you will, but I am enjoying the story even though I’ve already seen it play out so far. Course I’m also taking different choices than I have with the other characters. Course Zanedyl is still stuck on a heroic Mission 2 for star fortress, Even with Companion at rank 20, and base alliances at level 10 or better. I get stuck on the last boss, and I just hate the idea of asking for help, but I may have too.

swtor 2016-01-18 10-42-30-99 Course though I am also still loving the comments made by HK-55. I still can not wait for him to join my crew next month as well. And even more so can’t wait until August to play his chapter. I can’t wait to see the twists and turns they are putting together for HK in general. I know a lot of hate is still going around about this being a subscriber perk to get new players to join, but in all honesty I feel this was a great perk to keep some of us as subscribers to the game. Also I was happy to hear in the latest  stream that pvp will be getting a small amount of love. Granted it’s not like how many were wanting, but at least they are getting some new love here in KotFE. I just know the PVP community is still highly upset about the lack of PVP for them and I truly do feel for them as I have tried PVP, but it just is not my cup of tea so to speak. So I stick with what I know better and that is PVE, I haven’t heard much about new operations and what not for the ones that love to do end game stuff. Hell I still have my last two quests for Seeker and Macro in a few characters quest logs, also have Op for the Dread Masters. I doubt I will ever get them done unless I find a bunch of noobs  that looking for Ops groups to do that one at least. But at least I still play the stories.


Poor Zanedyl

Zanedyl As I stated above I have tried to solo one of the heroic star fortresses and only to fail towards the end. He has decent gear now, 208 I believe, level 20 influence with Lana and Level 11 influence with Alliance base, and I get him to the last boss, and get the last boss to about 3% of health and he kills off Lana before I know it, and then kills me. I tried about 5 times but when my repair bill was 5k or better each time, I just left and went about other things. I think the Rakghoul event is running so may hop over and get what I need done for Lokin and be done with that quest as well. Like the Gree event I really do have fun hooking up with various people that want to group up for the heroics there, and etc. So yeah to make some extra credits I may just log in and go do some Rakghoul events and build my rep up on that as well. But yeah the slow wait is literally killing me I want to do more things in KotFE but must wait for new content. Hey, thanks for reading, feel free to drop a comment down below, and happy gaming whatever.

End of the year reflections.

How do they hinder game play?

I recently read a forum post about a player that is physically disabled with CP (Cerebral palsy) and instead of the community stepping up and offering him helpful suggestions on how they could become a better tank, they started to bash them instead , calling them a troll, and what not. Contrary to what players say, you do NOT have to have lightening reflexes, you just have to know your class, and advance class, and all their abilities. Use key bindings if you have too, I have tried in the past, but I tend to stop looking at the screen and click on my mouse so much that I just forget to even attempt to try key bindings. Regardless of having physical issues, even mental issues, picking on someone because they come out and say “Hey, I’m a little slow because I have a disability” does not give you the right to bash them because they choose to play an MMORPG. Now I did read all the posts before I started this post, and saw a few had given him/her good suggestions on how to play better as a tank, and I hope those are the ones he/she will read instead of all the hate. But it still raises a question as to the whether or not about gamers having no heart or for that matter common sense. If you play a tank role, and have done well in solo style, and attempt to play in a group content , still does not give anyone the right to bash them. Now me, I never qued as a Tank, I played as a DPS with a tank setting, and it worked out well for me. Then again I only did KYD a few dozen times and it was fun to do with others that just didn’t care what spec I was. Just that I could keep a live, and do things like run around hitting Kolto stations, and etc. Course as of late I just don’t have it in me to play much like I was in the past. I think that is because I just don’t have it in me to spend countless hours there at the moment. Grinding for my alliance is boring, and life day event is just blah since it seems to break all the other things that were suppose to happen. But I do have a mental condition. So because I have a short fuse, and self esteem issues, I tend to avoid group content. I believe even my trooper now has the Op for Oricon.

Year End Reflections

So for 2015 it was a great year for me in SW:ToR and by that I mean. I’ve been a sub for over a year now, met some great people through the blogs, made a solid stand as a solo player that tends to try and help others in game, or even on a blog to bring a smile during some depressing times. Even though I tend to hide behind that and let my own issues stay silent because that is how I am. So I am going to break this down month by month for my year end review, I mean why not, there are only 4 days left in the year, and we’re on the last week of this month.


Would play and hit the first level 60 player and beat Revan in SoR so many times by then that I became instantly numb from the achievement. Mainly stayed to myself and became a solid solo player that would group up on occasions.


Got my first achievement in crafting with a 500 in Cyber tech and Scavenging. Also finally got my first Sith Inquistor Daeqius to level 60 and finished his story line. Also got a Imperial Agent to level 60 and finished his class missions.


Still did my own thing in soloing, but also started planning out this blog only after realizing I was paying for hosting and a domain name that was rarely being used. Also started looking into other MMOs but did not get involved in them. Just put them as a possibility.


Ahhh this month became something more to me, because I finally started to blog a little, while still playing and taking screenies of my game..


I was also a part of a Community on google+ that was for SW:ToR fans, matter of fact I just recently rejoined, but it’s where I met Zernebog, who then introduced me to others like Ravanel Griffon who then introduced me to taking part in a blogging type thing, that I totally did not entirely do because I just don’t feel that my blogging style fits in anywhere ,Here is my list from the NBI that I took part in.


This month had a lot of ups and downs. I was social, then became unsocial and went back to solo style playing again. Left a good guild, and just dropped out of sight, but still posted blogs here and there. Started playing GW2, and started to take breaks from SW:ToR all together. Had a ton of posts in June too,


Was not a good month for me, I was sexually harassed and I did not like it, and it prompted me to leave for a week or two, or just limit who I played with, which was mostly my male characters because well I’ll be honest ERP just turns me off in the worse way. So I don’t want to deal with anything of that sort.


This month was okay I guess for me. Nothing really big, I just started  to avoid all the spoilers that were lurking about the latest expansion in SW:ToR


So at the end of August , beginning of Sept. I finally unlocked all the species to play in SW:ToR and had to only buy two of them because you can’t unlock them through game play and by hitting level 50. So yeah I had some great achievements this year as well.


Celebrated my 1 year subscription to my favorite MMO. Also I got into the early access for the latest expansion. Knights of the Fallen Empire, and got all the subscriber rewards that were offered if one was subscribed. I loved it all too because it meant a new way to play. Sadly though those 9 chapters went by toooo damn fast and now we’re left grinding out our alliances.


I stepped away from SW:Tor for a bit, and went to play LOTR, and Neverwinter, GW2 of course. But of course I always come back to SW:ToR all because I have so much time and money invested too, then my computer issues started to show up, and I opted to cut a lot of game play out for the most part. Plus SW:Tor was filled with more bugs than anything, like the despawn timer on dead bodies that plagued Heroic areas specially on DK with all the vine cats being piled upon one another.


Now this month I have celebrated my birthday, made it through Christmas with no fighting, instead on Christmas night, I found a site online to watch the new SW movie and we watched it with a bad cam image, but at least now I can say I have watched Star Wars:The Force Awakens. No I won’t give you spoilers on that movie. Like video games I don’t do spoiling shit. I let other assholes do that for you. I also decided to go back into the virtual world Second Life and started blogging mens fashions there since there are so many female fashion bloggers out there. Outside of the virtual worlds and games I celebrated my 1st christmas with Raven and she is the best thing in my life even when my partner and I fight a lot and have been for the last few months.


100_1189 This is Raven and I on Christmas night. Hence the date. I felt it fitting to update my RL Facebook picture with one of her and I because I felt it was time to move on from losing my 1st pup Sammie this year.

I still think of Sammie on day to day basis, and I still miss her, but I know in my heart she would want me to share the same love I gave her over to Raven, so I have done so, and will continue to love her just as much if not more , but also keeping sammie alive in my heart.




319942_4728824614097_414774170_n This was my baby girl Sammie and even though she is no longer with me in her doggie form, she is still in my heart and has helped me so much and now I realize that I must let Raven do the same as Sammie did for me. I am a dog lover and always will be. No one will ever take that away from me.




Anyways to end this post. There are a few more days left to this year, and I plan to make the most of them and bring 2016 in a good way, what I will do, is beyond me because I’m not sure how I will celebrate it yet. Enjoy your holidays where ever you may be, and thanks for reading.

No you can not haz my stuff!!

That’s right, It’s been said..

I decided over the weekend to take a look into other games since there seems to be a numerous amount of bugs still lingering around in SW:ToR. So first game I decided to go back too was Guild Wars 2, where I seem to look at the icon on my desktop but forget to actually let the game update from time to time.

So this is a little video clip I did while playing that game for about an hour or so. Still love the graphics in it and all, but overall not really the highest game in my priority list. The next game I decided to try was LOTR (Lord of the Rings) and well it’s another slower grind to level up as well. Here is another clip of me playing.


Next up I decided to try Neverwinter I had heard a lot of talk about this game and decided well I wanted to give it a try because I remember hearing how it sucked and everything, but over all I enjoyed it a lot. Then again I do love fantasy stuff a lot. So here is a small clip of that gameplay as well.

I don’t use YouTube to upload videos as often because well YouTube is good, but honestly they are not really my favorite place to go often. I got into this other gaming website called “” the reason for them is because they are truly a video gamers paradise with all sorts of videos and etc. I found them through the Raptr, AMD gaming evolved application I get when updated a lot, and when I install a new AMD Driver for my CPU/Graphics. So I haven’t quit SW:ToR it’s just well I decided to take a break and go play something else for a change. I still love my SW:ToR and through it all this past year I have not once let my subscription lapse at all. I just decided well it was time for a change. But there is another reason I decided to take a step back at the moment. It’s not because of the bugs, or anything. It’s about things I’ve seen in gen chat that I didn’t think to screen cap, and a recent forum topic that got deleted and yet another player made a statement that well just doesn’t sit right with me.


No jokes about Mental Health Issues

Today (11-25-2015) I saw a forum topic that just screamed rage and so I went to go read it because a lot of the words in it were like this ******* meaning the offensive language filter was in place. So when I read the first part of it, it was because someone was upset about the down time they were giving today. Plus I just think it was someone looking to blow off steam about the disappointments lately in the game. I can’t say I blame them in all reality because it’s like that. But one person made a quote that well just does not sit right with me. He said that the person that made the topic was most likely had mental health issues like the ones that go inside a school , or whatever and shoot it up. Now to me that struck a nerve and a big one because I have mental health issues. I have a lot of them and I live with them on a daily basis. I do not really talk about what I go through on a day to day basis because well not many would understand it, and in the gaming community, it’d be laughed about or jokes would be made about “s0-so has issues” let’s pick on them. Not to mention a lot of triggers for people with mental health issues happen around the holidays when families gather in large groups and etc. But since this person decided to bash Mental Health on that one topic I have decided to give a little look into my daily life with mental health issues I deal with on a day to day basis, and why having Raven my furbaby is a perfect help to me.

A small look into what it’s like living with issues.

Morning: Wake up, do what I have to in the bathroom, grab a cup of coffee, light a cigarette, open up a browser and start looking around. [ Now to some that would seem normal in the sense that it is perfectly normal but here is what is going on behind the scenes in my mind] -Trying to make it through another day without a little bit of crying, feeling the pain so deep inside that it’s unbearable at times. Taking deep breaths  to keep myself calm and think rationally. Pushing back all negative thoughts that surround holiday season for me. Trying to keep bad experiences from surfacing on a day to day basis. Reaching over and petting Raven who sleeps in a chair next to me while I’m at the computer. Feeling the calming effect that petting her gives me inside to make it easier  to deal with the morning so far.

Lunch Time: Wondering what it is I want to eat, or even if I want to eat. Thinking about how to make it through this part of the day as  well while playing a video game, or watching even a little bit of tv. Nothing works so go crawl in bed, cover up and go back to sleep so that I don’t have to be awake and feel the pain inside while being alone. Raven curls up next to me, and lets me pet her as I fall asleep. All the while negative thoughts plague my mind and enter my dream state, which lucky enough for me I don’t remember my dreams anymore.

Dinner Time: Hubby is home, and all I can think is “Please make him shut up, or Please make him go away as I don’t wanna listen to his dribble about his drunk friends.”, What do I want to eat, am I even hungry, and why do I feel like shit inside when I should be at my happiest.

Evening right before bed: Watch a little tv or at least try too and instead get side tracked and think about shit that has happened in the past, or thinking about what is going to happen in the next 4 minutes, then that sudden urge of sadness creeps in and destroys the entire night. Try to go to sleep only to be up half the night with a mind that just will not let me rest.

Middle of the Night: Flipping through the TV stations trying to find something boring on to put me to sleep, or getting up and going on the computer to read forums, facebook posts, twitter feeds, etc. Anything to make my mind shut up and let me go to sleep for a few hours.

Next morning: Repeat the same events all over only on a different day. So before you decide to make comments about mental health issues, just remember this small glimpse into what some of my illness is like. I won’t describe in great detail of what else I go through, just what the downside of having a mind that plagues me on a daily basis is.

Also no where in this post did I once mention bout hurting others, so before you clump all the mental illnesses into massacres of school shootings, attacks on another human being those are not mental illnesses, those are just people that want to be total annihilators of humanity. While some yes do have mental health issues, not all are mentally unstable, you will never know who is unstable and stable in terms of mental illness because let’s face it. You can be perfectly fine and just decide to blow something up. So educate yourself before you look like an asshole on a public forum where many people can read what you write.